Make Your Own Sunshine

Oh, life is exhausting somedays. Let's just say that and get it out of the way - we all know how somedays just suck the life right outta-ya. You live though. Wake up the next day and do it all over again.

I've had to kind of re-train my brain to focus on the happy instead of crummy. Life is BEAUTIFUL. It is a gift. I am 27 years old and honest to goodness-I am just starting to truly appreciate life.

I've went through a lot of hard times the past few years. From moving 6 times in 2 years, to probation, to losing my dad right after I had my first child. The most painful was losing my father. I was a daddy's girl-hands down, no question about it. My father and I were alot alike - and now I see how he was the link keeping me involved with the rest of the family.
I'm so very different from my mother it's amazing that I am 50% her genes. Just because we are so different doesn't mean I love her any less. As I grow older I'm trying to accept our differences and just simply "move on". Forgiveness lifts the weight from you - when you hold onto a grudge it's like holding onto a hot poker and expecting the person next to you to feel the pain. You only wear yourself out with grudges.

"Forgive us for our trespasses, as we've forgive those who've trespassed against us."

I'm not very religious but I do recite the Lord's prayer daily. 

It's simple and to the point-and reminds me to simply remember God, and to appreciate those in my life and my life as a whole. Maybe I should phrase God as "the higher power of your belief". I believe in God-but I also believe in other's rights to their own personal religious beliefs. That's another topic for a whole 'nother day though!

"Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

My dad used to say this prayer as we were growing up. I never asked where he learned it - I always remembered it though. It was one of my favorite prayers since I can remember. I learned about it during my probation period-NA pushes this prayer, and I understand why. You will drive yourself insane trying to change the things you truly have no control over. Addiction is a nasty disease-but that's another topic for another day. 

Throughout my trials and tribulations, (ha-had to use that phrase while I could), I have learned one major lesson .....

You are the only one who can decide to be happy, sad, angry, down. You are capable of making your own sunshine -- take a step back.  I often take that step back to marvel at all the good in my life. All the things I should be thankful for - every single day. I'm guilty of being lost in the anger and the wanting more. Like I said, I'm trying to retrain my brain to be positive. I'm alive. I'm loved. I'm well. I'm happy.

Take a deep breath - take that step back - and smile.

I am going to leave you with a couple of my favorite quotes ::::

"Put your hand on your chest. Feel that- that heartbeat? It means you have a purpose. You're supposed to be here-smile"